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“Fela proposed, but Lizzy rejected the marriage proposal; Case studies.

“Fela proposed, but Lizzy rejected the marriage proposal. He said it is “God’s will” and that since she didn’t accept it, she won’t have a blissful marriage with whomever she gets married to”. 

I will review three case studies to show that regardless of the fact that Lizzy’s Choice differs, rejection of the proposal doesn’t mean either one or both of them were wrong and therefore wouldn’t have marital success when they eventually get married. 

A lot of people have wrong mentalities regarding marital choice. God is not a dictator that forces His will on His children against their wish. According to the scriptures, a man finds a wife through Gods guidance, thus, chooses one of God’s suitable children whom he loves and fits his purpose. (Proverbs 18:22, Psalm 37:23). 

Case study 1:

Billy Graham, a renowned and fiery American preacher fell in love with Emily Cavanaugh at Trinity College (formerly the Florida Bible Institute) and proposed to her in the summer.

She had to think about it and eventually said yes. But later she was having second thoughts. Graham began courting the dark-haired Emily Cavanaugh. He proposed by letter but was upset when she would not wear his corsage to a school party. That night, she said she wanted to marry his friend, Charles Massey and in the spring she dumped Billy Graham for Him. She said she doesn’t believe Billy would amount to much as a theologian and anthropologist but she believed Charles Massey would be great since he would receive education from Harvard University (World class University).

Later, Billy Graham fell in love and proposed to Ruth Bell where they were both studying at Wheaton college, Chicago. 

My Analysis; Billy Graham became a great worldwide fiery preacher who even delivered speeches at Harvard University. One would have thought that Emily Cavanaugh would become a riff-raff because she rejected Billy’s Proposal. I found out that her husband; Charles Massey was in the military for many years. He returned to his alma mater, Trinity College (formerly the Florida Bible Institute) where he served as a professor and dean. In an interview with Charles, he said, "They just felt that the Lord was calling them in two different directions. "Emily went with me all over the world, and Billy also found the girl (Ruth) who went with him all over the world." 

I found great articles about how the two families both served God and touched lives before their deaths. Moreover, they all lived long. Ruth Bell Graham and Emily met at a Billy Graham Crusade and both seemed to enjoy one another. Ruth in particular wanted to thank her for breaking up with Billy! Biographers often wanted to speak with Emily, but she desired privacy.

“I speak as a man,” if Emily had married Billy Graham, I still believe, they would both wrought great exploits together. Though, Charles and Ruth might get married to different spouses, I still believe they would have also wrought great exploits because all things work together for good to them that love God.   

Case study 2:

John Wesley met what may have been the love of his life, Grace Murray. Murray, a sea-captain’s widow. She was of a very good character and he would have married her but, Charles Westley, His brother discouraged Him from marrying her. John Bennet, one of Wesley’s preachers was also in love with her. Thus, she was stalked between two men. Wesley asked for her hand in marriage, and she said yes. Bennet also proposed to Murray, and a dispute between the two suitors ensued, each claiming to have asked her first. After much confusion, Grace Murray and John Bennet were married. John Wesley’s brother, Charles, conducted the ceremony. Charles Wesley never thought John Wesley should marry Murray because he believed she was so inferior to his own wife in social station and therefore not good enough to marry his brother. But because John Wesley was hesitant and delayed, Grace was left in uncertainty and married John Bennet.

Later, John Wesley marriage Mary (Molly) Vazeille, the widow of a London Merchant, in a private ceremony. Unfortunately, their marriage was rocky almost from the start but John Wesley’s travel schedules as a preacher put a strain on their marriage. At first, Molly accompanied him, but soon it was too much. It seems she began to resent their time apart. Molly left Wesley several times only to return. Then, in the mid-1770s, they separated but not divorced and she left for good. Molly died in October 1781.

My Analysis:

Like Billy, I would have said Grace’s acceptance of John Bennet’s proposal doesn’t mean John Wesley would have a bad Marriage. But, indeed, John Wesley had a sardonic marriage. I believe that this is due to the fact that Instead of getting married to his wife, John Wesley was married to his work. A Gospel minister ought to give preference to his marriage which is his first ministry. If one fails at this first one, the second ministry is tainted.

Though, I read lots of articles about how Molly, Wesley’s wife demonstrated bad character and tarnished His image publicly. This attitude is very absurd but I believe she did it out of frustration as she couldn’t trust Him since He usually travels for long without her and Wesley had close ties with many Christian women who were attracted to Him. My conclusion is that, though if Wesley had married Grace, perhaps, she might have handled the mater more maturely. Also, if Wesley had given preference and attention to Molly, they would have had a great marriage and wrought exploits together. It is also possible that if Wesley had married Grace, they would still have a bad marriage because Wesley gave preference and attention to ministry over marriage. 

Thus, one may marry exactly who God says he should marry, but if he doesn’t play his roles in the marriage, he would fail woefully. 

Case study 3

In the 1980s, President Barrack Obama proposed to Sheila Miyoshi Jager after he entered the Harvard Law School but she rejected him. Later, he met Michael at Harvard school and she accepted His proposal.

My analysis:

I found out that Sheila Miyoshi Jager is a Professor and great historian who had published many papers and authored severaL books made married Jiyul Kim, a U.S. Army veteran and history professor at Oberlin College. They have four children, and they reside in Ohio. One would have thought that Sheila Miyoshi is unfortunate perhaps because she might have being a first lady in America. But, I believe she is satisfied with her life because she is not a pauper neither did she marry a Spartan man, though they are not as popular as the Obamas. However, this article is not claiming that those who reject marital proposals or those whose proposals were rejected CANNOT end up as paupers. It all depends on one’s FAITH and SAGACITY.

In conclusion, as a lady, because about ten brothers have interest in you doesn’t mean they aren’t God sent or that they are all wrong for coming to you. Sometimes, God may allow you to even be in two or more courtships before getting married to your actual husband in other to teach you some things. 

Finally, don’t get frustrated when someone breaks your heart. Don’t think negative about yourself nor the person. Don’t make the person an enemy. Leave everything to God because it may just seem that you were not meant to be together.

You can comment your thoughts at the comment box below. 

(WRITTEN BY APAPA TAIWO HAMID, 2018)

References: 

www.tampabay.com

www.kevindhendricks.com

https://www.desiringgod.org

https://www.theglobeandmail.com

Tobias, Andrew J. (2017)."Oberlin College professor received unsuccessful marriage proposal from Barack Obama in 1980s, new biography reveals" . The Plain Dealer .Retrieved 11 May 2017.

Miyoshi Jager, Sheila (2013). Brothers At War: The Unending Conflict in Korea. London, U.K.: Profile Books. p. XV. ^ G. E. Harrison, Son to Susanna, London, Nicholson & Watson, 1937, p. 144.

Vulliamy, John Wesley , London, Geoffrey Bles, 1933, p. 214.7. ^ The words of N. Curnock, (ed.) J. Wesley, The Journal of John Wesley , London, Epworth Press, 1938, 3: 375n.

Short fiction series: SHOPPING FOR A HUSBAND

A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.
"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.
"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.
"Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor is the exit. The door is closed and you can't go back. Its a proof that you're impossible to please.
(Anonymous)

**************************************
Human nature is characterised by greed and lack of satisfaction.
For example,

Tolani placed Maxwell on the friend zone after He made a marriage proposal to Her. Though, He had been Her long time friend and bestie but she thought  a better and richer guy could propose to her later and if she says yes to Maxwell now, she would miss the opportunity. On the long run, Maxwell was friend zoned for two years without a serious reply from her. Since he was ready for marriage and she was not, he had to painfully let go of her and married someone else. Tolani wasn't moved because she had found someone richer, but he wasn't as charming and caring as Maxwell. Tolani soon got fed up of Charles, the new guy. She yearned to see another guy who would at least combine the characteristics of both Maxwell and Charles. She knew she wasn't getting younger but she quoted wrongly; "age is just a number". Sooner, she met another guy; Nnamdi and she believed she was satisfied with him. At least, he's well to do, charming and caring. Later, she noticed he wasn't as  bold as Charles. He is usually indecisive. He has a jellyfish characteristics. Regardless of how he cared for her, she felt she needed to marry a bold and courageous person. She broke the relationship with Him and the guys she met after Nnamdi has very worse personality than the previous guys she had met. Years passed by and she was almost clocking 33 years. At last, she had to accept the proposal from Sam. Sam, isn't well to do but at least, he engages in a menial job as a factory worker. He is not as charming and handsome as the other guys she had met but she had to marry him because time was no longer on her side.
No single individual can have all the positive characteristics of combined personalities. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.
Be satisfied with whom you love and try every possible best to groom him or her to the person you desire. If he/she isn't rich, inspire, support and groom him or her with lucrative business ideas and investments.
The most important thing in knowing whom to marry is seeking the face of God. This is because men tend to choose a marriage partner carnally and according to their present status but God chooses the perfect match having both the present and future in view.
God usually radiate our heart with the love for whom he chooses for us. Those who don't feel any love tend to develop it later. But, when loved isn't developed after a long time, it might be an indicator that the leading isn't from God. Marry someone you love, whom God chose for you.
(By Apapa Taiwo).

Love languages 

5 Love languages

1. Words of Affirmation

“If this is your love language, you feel Most cared for when your partner is open and expressive in telling you how wonderful they think you are, how much they appreciate you, etc.”

2. Acts of Service

“If your partner offering to watch the kids so you can go to the gym (or relieving you of some other task) gets your heart going, then this is your  love language.”

3. Affection

“This love language is just as it sounds. A warmhug, a kiss, touch, and sexual intimacy make you feel  most loved when this is your love language.”

4. Quality Time

“This love language is about being together, fully present and engaged in the activity at hand, no matter  how trivial.”

5. Gifts

“Your partner taking the time to give you a gift can  make you feel appreciated.”

How to figure out your primary language:

1. Your upbringing can speak into your Love languages. How did you parents show you love glowing up? What made you feel the Most loved  as a child? There is a high probability that is your primary love language.

2. When you really want to show someone you care  about  them, what first comes to your mind  to show it? Your most basic instincts can show your primary love language as well.

3. Painful relational experiences can show your primary  love language. If someone close to you  hurt you in a deep way or neglected to show  love the way you wanted, perhaps the deep hurt/dissatisfaction came because the way  you most feel loved was not met. This means  that what they failed to do is what you value  the most because it is your primary Love language.

To discover another person's  love language, one must observe the way  they express love to others, analyze what they  complain about most often, and what they request  from their significant other most often. 

. ( Dr. Gary Chapman)

Family Goals model

Apapa Taiwo's Family Goals. 
 Mission Statement : To Profit God And profit Humanity.
Goal: To Build a home for God And make the world to Know Him through every means and methods.
Motto: For Spiritual, Social, mental, Physical and Holistic development
Philosophy : Living an Heaven on earth family life with eternity in view.
Passion: I'm a victim of divorce and i have strong passion to wage war againt the giant(Devil)  fighting against Families. If you want to heal the world, heal the Families. Apapa Taiwo

A) Spiritual Goals
 I)  Family Evangelism & Follow up: We would have a fixed day when the family would go out for evangelism, morning cry, distribution of tracts etc. Sometimes we would have a tag displaying "Have you heard?" So people in office, school, street, could ask us questions and we would tell them that Jesus is Coming soon.
ii)  We would have fixed days for visiting other Families, family friends etc. We would pray and play with them, preach if need be, and encourage them to love God more and draw closer to Him.
iii) Family Prayer: We would have fixed days in which the family would pray together such as family vigil, prayer intercession... Dad & mum prayer, Children prayer.
iv) Family altar, Quiet time and Family night prayer : Some Families just wake up and every one dashes to thier chores, at night before bed time, they also retire to various rooms and sleep off without night prayers. For Apapa Family, we would sing praises and worship with musical instruments, sing hymn, read the Bible, recite memory verses, exhort one another and pray.
V) Family Bible study: We would study Bible chapters, Characters, read Christian books, christian magazine e.g christian women mirror. etc. This would Mostly be done by weekend and holidays.

 B) Family Health
 i) Vital Signs: The family would possess basic medical equipments such as spygmomanometer for checking blood pressure, glucometer for checking blood glucose level, stethoscope for reading heart beat, pulse rate... Weighing scale for checking weight, stadiometer for checking height and both for BMI.
ii) Periodic medical examination
iii) Physical Exercise, calisthenics, jogging, swimming, volleyball, tennis, badmiton, hiking, gyming etc
iv) possession of well equiped first aid box, fire extinguisher, gas alarm and other safety tools.

C) Philanthropic Goals
i) Giving to God first: Tithes and offering, giving to Church projects, vows and pledges etc.
ii) visit the destitutes and give to them: Such as giving to the fatherless, mother less, Orphans, disabled, aged, sick, beggars. We would give them money, food stuff etc. Care for them, pray and play with them preach and encourage them.

 D) Children Training
The Children would be Trained early to know God, the Bible, memory verses, preach and teach the word.
There would be Children diary for each of them in which vital events in thier lives and God's promises would be written. There would be a database for Videos showing how they played with dad and mum, promised to follow God, recited the Bible, sang etc.
There would be special days for counselling and teaching them on vital topics such as Morals, courtsey, Sex Education, Bible topics, self esteem, confidence etc.
 They would be Trained to read academic books, story books, observe bed time stories with them and read with them.
They would be helped to do thier school assignment and thier books would be inspected periodically.
There would be days for quiz and debate among siblings, Awards and rewards would be given.
Cooking Competition among siblings, siblings versus parents, husband versus wife.

E) Financial Goals
Family investment: Agriculrure, Education, rental services, transportation, waste management, estate management etc
Planned finance; income/expenditure, savings, projects etc

 F) Social Goals
i) Family picnics; Amusement park, zoo, swimming pool, botanical garden, water fall.. .
ii) Family dinner and couple's dinner.
iii) Carol Night, movie night, game night, story time, family whatsapp group...
iv) Excursion

vi) Screen time: Strictly using only program booklet. No unplanned watching of T. V
vii) Music day: we would learn Music theory, learn various musical instruments, practice and learn songs, compose Godly songs, compose songs for children, dad, mum...
viii) Mark Special days such as Christmas, Easter, birthdays, Valentine, Children's day, Father's day, Mother's day, new year. All must be celebrated in a Godly way.  Children would not be allowed to go to every party and any Godly one attended, they must be accompanied by a matured christian. These days Children dance erotically in parties. If you have more suggestions, kindly inbox me. Thanks.

STORY FROM THE WOMEN MIRROR MAGAZINE; PREPARE TO BE PREFERED

PREPARE TO BE PREFERED
Jasmine clashes into her bed in utter despair. She lay there for the next couple of minutes, sobbing and wondering why her life had taken such a sad turn. She had thought that by now she would have been married, or at least be in courtship. Sadly, this wasnt the case. "O lord! What is happening to me? She half-screamed and half cried with her two hands raised heavenward."I cant continue like this, Lord. I need a way out", she said amid sobs. After sobbing for a while, ah e sighed heavily. "why hasnt any suitor come for me? Is there something wrong with me? Am i not beautifil? Am i not a child of God? Or does this have to do with my concencration to him? What exactly is the problem with me? She asked herself in quick successions, her wet eyes gazing into the ceiling as if the answers were somewhere there. "please Lord, have mercy on me!" she prayed, before bursting into uncontrolable tears.
   Jasmine could be described as an accomplished bachelorette. At twenty six, she held bachelor's and masters degrees in human resources; she was an assistant human reserve resources manager in a reputable manufacturing company ; and she ownet a fashion design outfit that has more than ten people in her employ. But she was not a likable young woman. Though wealthy, intelligent, elegant, and born again Christian (for so she claimed), she was arrogant, brash, and a snub. Besides, she was reserved, uptight, and lead a solitary life. Her social life was practically nonexistent, and many people thought she was withdrawn and uncouth because of her social status. They thought her wealth Had got into her head. Her parents had serious worry about her behaviour, and often chided her for being a bad cook also. Jasmine never watched her mother cook in the kitchen so she could learn how to cook different and delicious delicacies. She never made attempt to read recipe books nor consult experienced persons. Moreover, she seldomly participates in church activities. These shortcomings caused delay in her marriage.
   Her call phone suddenly beeped while she was still in bed. It was an sms from Mrs. Banner, a member of her local church church, reminding her of the marriage seminar coming up the next day. Jasmine rarely attends such seminars, but this time, she relunctantly decided to attend. At the meeting, the guest speaker spoke on the need for preparation before marriage. Jasmine was stunned by what she Heard because she never thought you needed any special preparation before getting married. Through the seminar, God made her Understand why she wasnt married yet-- her character was unbecoming of a christian. She saw where she had gone wrong, and worked on her "character" and "attitude". Most women have a picture of what age they would marry when mr right would ask them to spend the rest of thier lives with them. They could pick out what the colour of thier wedding clothes would be, the ideal season for the marriage, what the wedding ceremony would look like and even the guests list. They get so much exited and focus thier time and thought on the utopian wedding, marriage and having a family that they never spend enough time and energy on the Most important thing -preparing themselves to become a wife. Some don't even know the special preparation to make to win a man's heart or to become a wife. Marriage is for the matured people. Prepare yourself spiritially, physically, financially, secularly, socially and eymotionally.

STORY FROM THE WOMEN MIRROR; LOOK FORWARD TO IT

Look Forward To It.

 

I saw at the balcony, holding my jaw and brooding over the past. Every first of october brings hurtful memories of my past and fills me with mixed feelings of regret, depression, pity, fury, and resentment, for that was the day i got married fine years ago - what is now a failed marriage. Then, i was young, naive and, i rushed into marriage because i thought i had what it takes to make a relationship work. I'm educated, intelligent, smart and cute. "What else would a man want in a woman? " i constantly said to myself. But, i was wrong. These are no prerequisite for a successful marriage. My wedding was elaborate and expensive because that was what i wanted, but the fanfare lasted only two weeks. The relationship went sour immediately, and eventually failed seven months later. It barely lasted a year. In retrospect, Most of my actions were wrong.

It all started when my husband complained about my cooking and inability to keep the home tidy every time, comparing me to His mother and siblings. I detested that. In retaliation, i attacked his personality, mocking him for stammering when he talks and for his little education. I told him arrogantly that he was lucky to have married a woman like me, because i wasnt his intellectual equal. "I married you because of your wealth, nothing more", i always told him. In my pride, i shuffle him out gave him the silent treatment and ignored him even when he tried to get my attention. I was sarcastic, intolerant, and saucy. We lived this way for about four months until i suspected he was cheating on me. That of course added fuel to the fire. I confronted him about his infidelity, but he denied it. We had a big fight over the issue, and he told me to let the matter lie. But i wouldn't. I was determined to get to the root of the matter, so i located the house if the woman i suspected he was having an affiar with, and quarrelled with her. That infuriated him, and for the first time in our marriage, he raised his hand against me. I lost my pregnancy because of the beating. I was mad at home because i actually thought the baby would full the void in my life. As soon as i got out of the hospital, i got him arrested for assault and battery. The case went to the court and he was fined heavily. He would have been imprisoned, but the judge was linient with him because he wanted him to be around me while i recruperated. Well, to make the long story short, few weeks later, he served me with divorce papers and before i knew it, our marriage was dussolved. I'm full if regrets. If i could set back the clock, i will do things differently. But its no use crying over spilled milk. Today, i watch young women get so excited about getting married, and the question i asked myself is "what do they really look forward to in marriage? Well, the balcony is in thier court.
Hmmmn  there's a great deal to look forward to in marriage : the warmth of love and intimacy, the beauty of friendship and companionship, and the awesomness of procreation. Marriage isnt all merry making, you need to work at it for it to be blissful. If you dont want to regret, never rush into marriage. Let God alone lead you, not merely emotions.... People spend years in college and university to prepare themselves for a vocation or career but dont see marriage as a big deal. Yet, marriage is for life and its a big deal. Marriage is a life time of commitment of sharing your life with another person from different background and outlook about life...
Whats your emotional life like? How many books on marriage have you read? How many messages have you listened to? Can you manage a home? How much have you invested in your character? Do you communicate effectively? Are you sociable? Do you have a gainful employment? Think about these...

The Three Stages of Growth in Marriage

by Dr. Wayde Goodall

Stage One: They are attracted to each other. Their attention is focused on each

other. The couple spends much time thinking about each other.

They forget other things and walk around smiling about the one they have married.

They see only the best in each. They submit to each other. They enjoy each other. They ignore

the faults of each other.

Stage Two: Adjustment Stage (Understanding and growing through differences) .

During this stage, delight can turn to confusion, bitterness, and

tension. They become dull. Routine and boredom become part of the

couple's life. Most excitement is gone. There is some loss of interest and some change in feelings.

People do not care much about the way they look, because they cannot

look perfect all the time. They argue. The couple begins to quarrel over their differences. They defend themselves. They criticize each other.

They become disappointed. Many couples give

up 

at this stage and seek divorce.

Some make the mistake of trying to

find feelings of love with another

person. This unfaithfulness often

destroys their marriage. Others

become stuck in this stage of

discouragement. They do not make

the effort to work through this

stage and understand their spouse.

Stage Three: Mature love.

Stage Three is described in 1

Corinthians 13, the "Love Chapter."

" Love is patient, love is kind. It does not

envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It

is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not

easily angered...

In Stage Three, we see mature love.

This is not just romantic feelings.

Mature love is a decision to do the right thing, say the right thing, and be the right person.

characteristics of mature love.

1. Mature love is tender.

2. Mature love is responsible.

3. Mature love is accepting.

4. Mature love is secure.

5. Mature love is truthful.

6. Mature love is humble.

7. Mature love is willing to grow.

If you want to have an heaven on earth family life, Understand that you must go through these

Stages and ask the holyspirit to help you to

adjust positively.

Family life fiction Series; Stages of Marriage

Marriage stage one

Ayomide had been the man of my dreams right

from our university days. Infact, i always felt
jealous when ever i see another lady around him.
He was the keyboardist of the campus fellowship
but i was in the prayer session. He was in his
final year while i was in 300 level. My heart
would always pound when filled with doubt that
he would propose Marriage to me. I sometimes
felt that his attention could easily be gotten by
most of those sisters with sonorous voice in the
choir department who always love to frolic with
him and by all means seek his attention by
telling him to teach them how to play the piano.
My gentle self was always very careful and meticulous as i don't tend to do anything to try to gain his attention. I started having a deep,divine feeling of love for him when we were at the annual fellowship campus congress which is usually a camping programme. The congress moderator announced on the last night of the congress that our fellowship centre ; a branch of the fellowship, should meet at the camp kitchen to cook for the pastors. I joined the sisters to cook the delicious egusi soup. It was a very rich one with blends of spices; chopped scotch bonnet peppers, Vegetable, crayfish powder, dry
fish with beef and shaki inclusive. We divided ourselves into departments. The brothers were in the eba dept. Some were in plate washing dept. Etc. Indeed, the brothers proved themselves to be real men like samson. Our ribs almost cracked with laughter when we saw brother Tayo; the fellowship president, holding the long pestle, turning the eba with much zeal while he pushed his buttocks backwards. I quickly joined the soup department which were majorly sisters.
I was unwrapping the maggis when the holyspirit started minstering to me, saying, remember the
verse i directed you to read this morning ; proverbs 22:11... I noticed bro Ayomide sweating profusely with his bag backed as he steered the eba holding the pestle with all his strength together with bro Tayo. "e be like say this brother no dey used to this kine work", i soliloquized. Bro Jude had to collect the pestle
from him as he stepped aside to rest with the others standing. He stood like an inspector while
he gazed at People working in the various department. I started cutting the onions in the soup and tears started flowing down my Cheeks due to the onions' effect. I gently wiped it off with my white handkerchief. Suddenly, my eyes caught bro Ayo's eyes. I looked away as our eyes met and i adjusted my bag which i backed and continued cutting the onions. As i looked towards his direction the second time, his gaze was still at me. I stared at him for six seconds, i couldnt help but look away and Immediately, he started coming towards me. My heart started pounding like yam being pounded as i started pouring the other ingredients in the big pot of soup. He stood by my side and whispered softly
in my left hear, "gentle sister, why are you crying? Its like you were lost in thought". I responded with a smile and said, "nah, i wasnt crying, the effect of the onions made my eyes watery". Oh, i see. let me help you carry your bag so that you wont be exhausted, he said, as he tried to take the bag off my back. I reported. Oh no, its not too heavy. Thanks, i said, as i shook it with my back to show him it isnt heavy.
As he left, i felt bad and thought that i should have given him. Almost immediately, sister Debby shouted playfully and hilariously. Bro Ayomideeeeeeeeee! Come and carry my bag for me before i faint here o. Must you always be naughty? He said, as he approached her and gently collected it from her, carring it at his front together with his own backed. I started having a feeling. Oh my God! Is this not jealousy? I said
to myself. No no no, he isnt mine, sister Debby owns him, I thought to my self. Whenever i have a liking for any brother, i usually try to attach a sister that is more intimate with him in other to put him off my mind. "he has found you", i heard the still small voice say. No, i retorted. Yes, the spirit said gently. No, yes! No no, yes. No, no, no! Drama began in my mind. No, i said again for the last time. Yes, the still voice said faintly and there goes the battle field of the mind... . After a while, Bro Ayo suddenly shouted, who saw my rose flower? Please am looking for it. Wetin you dey do with rose in camp kitchen? People
murmured. I bought it for my mum's birthday ni o, he said as he walked outside the kitchen browsing through the grasses in search of it. Few minutes later, while we rested, checking on the stew from time to time to know when its done, sister Lara, my room mate, suddenly highjacked my hand, holding it tightly as i followed her outside the kitchen reluctantly.
Wetin happen this time around? I said. Rosemary, Just follow me, she replied. Before i knew it, she
stopped at the front of bro Ayo and said jokingly, this is your rose, she's the best gift you can give
to moma for her birthday... I jacked my hands off her and i left angrily, bearing down to the church
auditorium like a berserk Buffalo. I later knew that Lara found the rose which was neatly
placed in a small, transparent red box and gave it to bro Ayo when i left. She later apologized to
me. After that day, i kept Marriage thoughts out of my mind and faced my studies. Bro Ayo graduated the same year as an industrial Engineer, while i was in 300level as a pharmacy student. Towards the mid first semester in my final year, he called me on phone. He talked so long and was somewhat beating about the bush.
I thought he wanted to propose to me but he said he actually wanted to see me so that i would help him deliver a message and letter to someone. We met at Garrison garden. He was
already waiting for me. Sorry for the delay, i had to trek down from the library, i said. Oh, no
problem. My heart raced as i searched his eyes..
My roomies said they were damn sure he wanted to propose but I was 100% sure that was far
from his mission. Well, i would like to send you to sister Mary, tell her that i love her and want
to Marry her. So she's the lucky one...I thought to myself. It was very funny to me as i was almost jittering while he talked. I suddenly gave him a questioning look of whats my business with that.. Mary Akinsola? I asked. No, Adebisi Rosemary, he replied. That was me!! my heart leapt into my throat... I kept mute for a minute. I tried to hide my blushful feelings. Well, i will pray and think about it. Thats the normal answers ladies give. Even though, i knew my answer was yes already. Thanks a lot, he replied as he saw me off, back to the library where i was editing my project.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
We had just concluded our wedding reception. It was indeed a moderately expensive one. Hmmn, i was overwhelmed with joy unspeakable as i couldnt let off my eyes from my adorable handsome husband after said "i do". The first night of our wedding was glorious.. Am sure you know the normal experience. If not, read "The act of marriage" by Tim laHaye. We had all night of prayer and Bible study the next day while in the morning, we visited the amusement park. we engaged in various fun activities and utilized the park rides such as, Ferris Wheels, Scrambler, Bumper Car, train, and the carousel, also called merry-go-round which i enjoyed most. The ride consists of a rotating platform with seats that move up and down. The seats are the really special part, made of wood, fiberglass, and shaped to look like decorated animals, such as deer, cats, fish, rabbits, giraffes, and, of course, horses. We visited the zoo and botanical garden the third day. We visited many other exciting places while we rounded up our honeymoon the next Saturday with prayer and fasting.
Marriage Stage Two : Adjustment stage
My husband always buy me gifts with loads of surprises. Sometimes, he would write a love note
and put it in my handbag with flowers. At times, i would turn the bathroom light on, and i would see decorations and writings such as "you're my light in the dark". He would always carry me in his arms to the bedroom whenever i sleep of in the guest room. I love to feel his warmth. We did almost everything together. We shop together, bath together, eat together, and even do house chores together. Barely about a year after our wedding, things started falling apart as our love grew cold towards each other. He would always complain of being busy whenever i want us to do things together and i soon lost the attention he usually gave me. We started finding faults and when he tries to blame my weaknesses, i also nag him with his weaknesses. Whenever he gets angry, he would slam the door and Sometimes go
to sleep in a friend's house overnight. We never thought of divorce because we knew that Marriage has no reverse gear, but we lived cat and dog life. While at the dinning he would correct me harshly. Always close your mouth while eating, dont eat like a village girl, he would say. Ah ahn, cant you correct me nicely? after all, you always snore like a pig, disturbing me when you sleep, i would reply him and he would give me an angry look. After all i gave him tit for tat.
We later visited the pastor for counselling. He gave us loads of advice and explained that we were in the adjustment phase and that, its the Stage where most couples divorce or separate except they pray and work things out.
Marriage Stage Three:
We both learnt about the four different types of temperaments explained by the pastor ; Choleric,
Sanguine, phlegmatic and melancholic. We googled it, browsed and read related books. By
Now, we have learnt to praise each other's strength and also help to overcome each other's
weaknesses. Infact, Ayomide proposed to me again but i never gave it a thought this time
around. I gave him a sweet response immediately. Feelings come and go. But, true love acts on knowledge to do the right thing, even when feeling is absent. If you want to live an heaven on earth family life, walk by knowledge and pray hard when times are
turbulent. (Written by Apapa Taiwo Hamid ).